It’s been a long while since I posted a blog of any kind, and that thought kind of depresses me. But more than that, it has made me stop and think about who I really am and what things are really important to me. It’s easy to get lost in living and doing and being for others. At times that can be a positive thing, when you’re reaching out in selflessness. The danger is when you begin to lose your inherent identity, when you stop doing the things you enjoy that nourish your spirit, body, soul and mind…

And I was kind of teetering on the brink of losing the things that I enjoy — stuff like writing, singing, taking photos of things that inspire me, playing in the kitchen, reading, observing, taking time to notice the details…None of those things consume me so much that I’m unavailable to offer my time to others. But those things are all things that make me me. And in my busyness I stopped taking time to enjoy any of them, pushing myself into other not necessarily better things.

Another issue is that I often let other people define who I am rather than just be myself. I let others choose my likes and dislikes more often than I’d care to admit, and so I begin to be seen by others as someone I am not. I don’t want to hurt feelings or offend, so often I hide behind a mask. I still have genuine concern for others – but my feelings are not revealed in full. My identity becomes lost in the effort to please others. There is nothing at all wrong with being tactful or politely pointing out that you do not identify with certain aspects of things…It is much better to be honest and allow others to see the reality of who you are and what you stand for.

And another downfall in being open is that sometimes when you try to be unselfish you end up being a doormat. Sometimes you even begin to neglect the physical, mental, spiritual and emotional care of yourself to the point that you can’t be anything useful to or for anyone else. Balance can be so difficult to achieve, but it is necessary to fill you up so that you can pour yourself out for the benefit others.

So I am going to attempt to be the extraordinary person I was created to be – the me that was knit together by the Creator and formed with His perfect plan. Anything less is not authentic, despite my good intentions…

Now if only I can remember that…

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